Tea in the Morning

I finally got to sleep this morning at about 2:30 AM and had many bizarre and disturbing dreams. I saw my Mother in these dreams, and she was upset because something had happened to Dad. I woke up a couple times and finally got out of bed at seven. I am not tired, but feel strung out from my long night.

It’s light outside now so I took Junior for his morning walk. He got fixated on something under the picnic bench, probably a mouse, and pulled like a son of a bitch trying to get under the thing. I had a time pulling him off his obsessive drive.

They are working on the water line across the street this morning after a break of almost a week. Hopefully they don’t fuck anything up with the wires, knock on wood. The farmer was out for the last two nights plowing up the field there, so it looks like he is going to plant something this year. I was wondering a bit whether they were going to start building houses now that utilities are coming through.

I have another cup of tea. Junior is skulking around the room now looking for more food. It is dark and dreary this morning and more rain is on the way. I am going to give sobriety a chance today and not buy any alcohol. The shit just ends up shutting me down and things end up fucked over in some way. I don’t even know why alcohol is legal with all the problems it causes.

I spent some time last night and this morning reading people’s blog posts about journal writing and mental illness. Maybe someday I will write about my own adventures in mental wards and in the world with a highly-stigmatizing mental illness of my own. Aside from my addiction, I am doing well these days.

My plan for the day is to watch my diet and get some exercise. I will probably stick to veggie smoothies and some pea soup this morning. I had some scrambled eggs last night at about 11:30, but don’t feel the need for more this morning. I have been doing some light weightlifting, but I need to step up my game on that. I also need to keep away from liquid calories as they are fucking up my program. I know I say this a lot, but I am done with booze. I am going to make this journal a chronicle of my journey from poverty and isolation to the better life that lies in my future.

Early Spring Morning

It is the third day of Spring. 29 F outside and the earth smells of water. I took the dog for his morning walk. I had a cup of tea. I don’t know what I am going to do today. I have to lose some weight, but over the last month I have been gaining weight again. I guess I have to bite the bullet and just quit eating so much.

I have a little money in the bank now, but not a lot. There might be enough to spend some to promote this blog, though there is nothing here to promote. What would I do, buy advertising to promote my personal journal? Sounds like a dumb plan. Maybe I should go back to writing poetry. My three book reviews are not getting any traffic. Maybe I should sell herbs. Maybe I should buy some more herbs.

The only way I have managed to lose weight over the last few years was when I went over to a plant based diet. I may switch over and do that today. I seem to gain weight like crazy on dairy and eggs. I have been doing some light weight lifting for the past week, but it is nothing to challenge me. I walk in my room and I walk the dog in the yard. I have been cutting the drinking out of my life. Perhaps this journal will become the chronicle of my transformation.

I have some things to think about this morning. I have some major changes to make in my life. I can’t go through life as an obese alcoholic any more. I have to get my life together and make something out of what time I have left on the earth. The sun is shining this morning and it is time to get going on my work. I don’t need to sell anything to become famous and rich. I need to find ways to help people and write articles for this blog. No more wondering what to do every day to pass the time. I need to meditate, and think, and write.