Fresh Summer Rain

The patter of falling drops on the windows announces the arrival
Of the rain clouds bringing the cooling waters to a dry earth.
Pools of liquid in the driveway dance with raindrops
As a stream pours from the roof onto the ponding ground.
And then it is over, no thunder, no wind.
The day now damp as tendrils of vapor rise from the roadway.
Gone now, for a while, and silence returns.

Popular Blog Posts I Don’t Know How to Write

Apparently I should do some research on what kind of things people are paying to read about. It seems I should find a topic that is popular and write something long, broken up into sections, and written at the kindergarten level of a picture book for all the dumb people to understand. I learned all this wrong information watching videos on YouTube.

I was more popular when I wrote poetry, but not by much. All my life I have never been popular. I’m an outcast from society with a terminal mental illness that isolates me even more. I have no job that pays so I work on this journal. I have a dog I might not be able to afford for much longer. I have my Dad.

The world is a sad and lonely place when you are 59, single, no family of your own, no home of your own, no friends and no family that likes you. This is starting to sound like a god damned complaint, but I just can’t seem to pull myself out of this hole. All I can do now is to stop digging the damned hole deeper.

Still, to get back to the subject, I think I had one popular blog post in my entire blogging career that goes back to 2001, and it was about something that was popular on Google Trends that I just said I thought was stupid but I wrote about it anyway.

I am not in the mood to sit at my computer today and type. I don’t know what to write about and I don’t know why I even have this blog. I think I will go back to writing poetry.

Stream

I’m not feeling the greatest today. I’m an old man who lives with his even older dad. I’m a loser at life and the game is almost over for me here. I’ve already outlived my life expectancy after so many years, about 25, on antipsychotic drugs because I was fucking hallucinating from bad drugs. I really don’t like doctors much.

It’s cloudy this morning, warm and humid. Dew was still on the lawn as I took Junior for his morning walk. He’s crashed out in bed now, tired of barking at me after I paid him no nevermind. I finished a cup of tikuanyin oolong tea and may go back and make another.

I have been trying to do something about the obesity these drugs have caused me. Doctors don’t give a damn if their medications cause side effects like obesity, they pass you off to a specialist and cash in on the opportunity for more therapy and more medical bills. I’m getting ready to check out of the whole corrupt system.

I heard from my girl friend yesterday, but she didn’t say much. She works two jobs. She has similar mental problems to me, that are even worse than my problems. She doesn’t talk to me much when we are together, and she gets me smoking. I haven’t seen her since January. I don’t know, we have drifted apart. I like her, but she really isn’t somebody I could live with. Why am I talking about my only friend? Well, at least I have one.

I just made another cup of tea and a glass of walnut milk. Walnut milk is easy and kinda quick. You take ten ounces of cold water and put it in a blender. Then you grab a handful of raw shelled walnuts and add them to the water in the blender. Then you blend on high for three minutes and you get nice smooth warm walnut milk full of omega-3 fatty acids and some protein.

I’m going slowly on this blog post today using the buggy block editor. I wish there was a way to turn off hot keys in this editor. I keep fat fingering control and end up deleting everything, which is incredibly annoying. Why is there even a hot key combo for delete all? That makes no fucking sense.

I really should add some photos to this blog, but I don’t have much to take pictures of around here. My life is so boring. I spend most of the day in my room, walking back and forth like a caged animal for exercise, listening to the most annoying bullshit on YouTube. It’s almost eight-thirty in the morning. My dog is sleeping. My Dad is still sleeping. I just turned on my happy light. Maybe some phototherapy will cheer me up.

I planted some Carolina Reaper hot pepper seeds about a month ago. I have like four or five out of 24 seeds actually sprout, and the plants are growing very slowly and they look kinda sick and weakly. What the hell would I do with 24 ultra-hot pepper plants anyway?

I turned off the happy light, it was glaring in my eyes. I should use it for a grow light and grow some interesting plant. The sun is coming out a little now, but it is supposed to rain tomorrow.

I’m getting tired of trying to figure out ways to make money. Some years ago I wrote for a website called Helium little articles and stories about non-fiction type things and actually made about $270 for three month’s work. It wasn’t a very good return on my investment though, as I had about 300 articles and it took six months to make that kind of cash. I would still be getting residuals from that if Helium hadn’t gone belly up and sold all their writing to pay off the bankruptcy debt.

Going it alone, well, it turns out you can not get much done alone. I make this website alone, with the help of Automatic. Is the parent company still even Automatic? I don’t even know where my money is going. The sun is out full-force now beaming in my window. My Dad was actually up and dressed at 8:30 when I went out to get my tea. I’ve been typing now on this post for 45 minutes, and so far no fuck-ups. It’s time for breakfast now, so I will leave off here and try to write something useful instead of this stream of consciousness bullshit.

Let the Past Go

I tried to write something biographical today, but it got me depressed thinking about all the mistakes I have made over the years. It’s time to start over and do things right now that I’m almost 60 years old.

It’s been over two days now since I have had any alcohol. I sucked the last of the THC out of the cannabis vape cartridges and trashed the empty carcasses of the things. I don’t need to alter my consciousness any more than a cup of tea.

Junior has been a real pest today. He is sleeping now, but spent the last ten minutes barking his head off at me. I ignored him and he finally relented. He acts like he is trying to control me, but in fact he can not even control himself. It’s going to take a lot of time getting that dog in shape.

I tried to read a book the other day, but books have started doing things to my eyes. I have a lot of books. I should take photos of books, list them here, and then sell them online. WordPress would even let me do that with my personal account. All I need to do is set up a stripe account. I don’t want to do that though. I don’t want to have to ship product and deal with returns and refunds.

I have to make a break with my past here. I have thrown so much of my life away chasing that buzz. My Mother always used to give me some advice from her Father, who said: “Live each day as if it is your last, because someday it will be.” Well, the past is gone, I have to let it go and move on to better things, even though I am fat, broke, and nearly dead.

Useless Advice

I wasted the last couple hours watching videos that were supposed to be about how to make money writing. There’s a quote from Samuel Johnson that goes “None but a blockhead writes for anything but money.” Well, I feel like a blockhead today because I have written nothing worth writing and I have very little exposure.

I like this blog. I think I am going to add things to it and just let the previous posts stand. I don’t think I am going to waste my time any more trying to figure out how to make money from a blog. I want to just write something and try to learn how I can make it in a world where I don’t fit in.

Humid Day

It’s muggy this morning and already getting warm. There are clouds in the sky and it looks like it is going to rain. I am trying to think about what to do with this blog. I may delete everything again and start over. I may leave what I have and take off in a new direction. I may actually write an article today and take the trouble to open a proper writing app and do some serious research on a meaningful topic. I kinda give up on ever becoming popular here. 59 year old insane single man living with no income. What a crock of shit my life has become.

Weed

Cannabis Sativa is now legal in Michigan and has been for over a year now. Back in high school I was a lonely outcast, so of course I fell in with the stoners. I never had much exposure to weed before senior year in high school, when I started buying weed for like $30 an ounce back in 1979.

Times have changed and the price of dope has really gone up. When I have a little money I hit up the weed shop in Ann Arbor and get some of that sticky-icky bud for my hash pipe.

Things are getting tight for me around here with very little money left in the bank. I have to do something about this blog, and believe it or not there are people making money off blogs that do nothing more than advise people on what weed to buy and where to buy it. Advertising.

The only problem I ever had with weed was when it ran out. I used to smoke an ounce a week back in the day, but now I sip on vape cartridges or smoke tiny little bowls of bud in my crude cherry wooden hash pipe. Perhaps I should write reviews for different strains and post them on this blog. Perhaps I could do that for a couple today that I have already smoked. I have to do something about getting paid for my time, and writing about getting stoned doesn’t seem like such a bad gig to me.

A Day Off

It’s Sunday. I have a chicken to roast for dinner. I am thinking about this blog here. I am trying to figure out how to make some cash. Cash is good. I can buy goodies with cash. There are a lot of goodies available locally that I want to partake of instead of just drinking away my life.

I am looking up ways to monetize this blog. I need traffic for that to happen. I am going to have to start doing some promotion for this blog. Maybe I will turn this back into my dark poetry blog. I like it better as my journal, but I had more fans as a poet. Anyway, I suppose I should look into writing something worth hosting on this site.

Sun and Summer Heat

It’s morning, bright sun streaming in my window.
The dry earth bleeds for rain.
Sunday morning, and the last dregs
of a former life pass through sheaths of foil.
It is June, it is summer, it is quiet.
Sitting here I am listening to Jim Morrison
recite poetry back in March 1969.
I used to live for summer days
On my bicycle, riding into town
to buy weed and Canadian beer.
Stay out until they turned the sprinklers
on on the Diag, every night an adventure.
Now, summer is locked in battle between
the sun and the moon, heat seeps into my room,
The burning sun streams through my window.