Crow Call

Early morning, Sunday, 17 degrees.
Out in the corn field the crows call
Arguing about the morning weather.

I have tea, and heat, and company.
Now if these damned coyotes
Would just stop wailing all night.

Chocolate

A handful of Hershey’s Kisses
and there’s a chocolate waterfall
in my mouth.

Zip open the foil, pop it in, bite.
Chocolate kisses, only two left.
Now there’s one.

I got a whole bag and a half left
and one of them bags was free.
Gotta love CVS.

Poetry is Code

The only way to get poetry to look normal
is to use the code editor in wordpress.
This leaves it as unformatted text
And you set the line and stanza breaks.

Yeah, this is an educational poem
given away for free, check legal page,
And yeah, I just hammered it out in code.

Friends

I picked up my friend yesterday afternoon and brought her up to my place. We had a pleasant afternoon listening to music. She drank a couple glasses of local wine. I made her a sandwich for a snack, and some pasta for dinner. We went to bed early and snuggled until dawn.

I have a little shopping to get done today when my friend wakes up. All we really need is some milk, but I should top off the gas tank in the truck. I have some peaceful music going now and a cup of tea steeping on the kitchen counter. I feel a lot better this morning after not sleeping much the night before. I didn’t drink and I didn’t get high, but I had a good time.

Chamomile Tea

I made myself a cup of chamomile tea about an hour ago. It gives me a very calm and peaceful feeling. I am waiting on a phone call now from my friend. I have to tell her I don’t want her getting high in my house. I have to tell her I am not going to drink any alcohol. She is probably not going to be very happy.

I have a bad feeling about today. I don’t think I am going to get any rest for another two days. I think my sister is going to want to come over and visit. Dad is just getting finished with his shower and it is already after noon. I got a shower this morning and the whole thing took me ten minutes. I just feel bad today.

I think I am going to make another cup of tea. If I hang out with my friend today it is going to be a lot of driving. I want to just have my life simple like the way it was when I was a lonely single man.

Well, my girl just called and things went well with her. We are going to hang out for a day and be friends. I think I will have a good day and drag myself out of this funk I seem to have gotten myself into. Later readers.

Alcohol Use Disorder

This is something I am trying to get under control. I never had much of a problem with alcohol until I shared an apartment with an alcoholic. You see, alcohol abuse is contagious. Much like drug abuse, you catch it from other people. They share their dysfunctional behaviors with you and pretty soon you have the same behaviors. Nobody lives in a vacuum, so hey.

Yesterday was hopefully my last dance with the devil. I got pretty hammered and lost a lot of sleep. I made some commitments with a friend I am going to have to do my best to salvage. Maybe we can work something out that will benefit us both. I know she needs a friend, as do I, and I know we both have a lot of the same problems. One of us at least has to be strong.

I think I will concentrate on making tea today and maybe we can go out and buy some herbal tea for a good witch’s brew. I have some work to do for Dad today cleaning, and hopefully my sister doesn’t come over and want to check up on us today. I am going to have to take care of myself today and stay away from any involvement in intoxicants.

Alcohol has taken its toll on my health over the years. I have a broken clavicle from one drunken night on my bicycle that still worries me. I have mental problems the doctors can’t figure out because of all the drugs I used to take. I don’t need to go back to that shit. I need to find a friend who will support me in healthy behaviors instead of encourage my own self-destructive nature.

Today might be a difficult day, but I will make it through. The weather looks like it will hold out for the coming week. I have work to do around the house, but it can wait. Right now I just want to walk off my troubles and get some healthy exercise in instead of sitting on my ass writing about all my problems.

Self Respect

Self respect is something I have been lacking for most of my life. I don’t know what I was thinking yesterday to spend the afternoon drinking and make a date with my friend to do more drinking. It made me think all last night that there has to be something better than just going with the flow. There has to be something better than getting wasted and listening to some god awful music all night. I need to invest in my future, not drain my life away.

Taking care of your body and your mind should be the first principle of self respect. Alcohol destroys both the body and the mind and I know enough now that I don’t want it in my life. I don’t want any part of the stupid decisions I make when I am drunk and I don’t want the physical and mental degradation that goes along with drinking. Also, I don’t want any part of any weed smoking. I did enough of that back in the day for any number of lifetimes.

In about an hour I have to head out to the grocery store and the hardware store to get some things for this house. I have to do something about the mildew growing on the walls in the other bathroom. I have to get some healthy food in this house. I don’t know if I am going to go on any long distance drives today to see my friend. She only seems to have two things on her mind these days. The virus has every restaurant closed aside from takeout, and there is really nothing to do on a date except shop. I just feel bad today because I am thinking I am about to lose my last friend.

I would like to be able to inspire change in other people, but how can I when I can’t even change myself. It’s too easy to fall into the trap of self hatred, but it is hard to pull yourself up from the nothing you have become. I need to take care of some business around the house today and steer clear of any urges to get drunk or high. I think it would be good to talk to some people about my problems, but I know nobody who would understand. There’s a lot of trouble in the world today and I don’t need to add to it. I need to find something I can do to boost my self esteem, and wallowing in self pity is not helping.

Almost Sleepless Night

I don’t think straight sometimes. Take for instance yesterday. There I was, 18 days sober and I had to buy that pint. Well, I had a lot of time to think things over last night, and I have come to a conclusion. I don’t need intoxicants in my life.

I need to get my priorities straight. The last thing I need is to be pissing my little bit of money away on shit. I need to get this blog into some kind of shape and start writing things that matter instead of the crap I wrote yesterday when I was buzzed. I need to get my relationship back on some kind of solid ground instead of just hosting a party girl who only wants to drink and smoke.

I’m sober now and I am going to stay that way. My life is too valuable to be wasted all the time. If other people want to squander their hard work on booze and weed, well that’s not really my problem. My problem right now is how to get through life without running into these setbacks that always seem to creep up on me every time I let my guard down.

Housebound

I haven’t left the house except to go outside and do snow and ice patrol for three days now. It might even be four days. Winter hasn’t been so bad so far this year, but we got three or four inches of wet snow last night and this morning. I have been spending a lot of time exercising in my room lately, and I have some sore muscles today that didn’t stop me from shoveling snow for half an hour this morning.

I haven’t heard anything from my friend in over a week now. We got one phone call and a quick visit on New Year’s Day. I think I want to go out to the local store and buy some nice veggies to go with dinner. I might start writing poetry again. This blog, well for all intents and purposes it is dead. I purged all my content over a week ago. I had more posts than views. I think I need to rethink where I am going with this website. I think I need some inspiration.

A New Year

For the first day of the year here in southeast Michigan the weather sure is miserable. We have had ice, freezing rain, rain, and snow already today and it is not supposed to let up until almost tomorrow morning. I have stayed inside today exercising and eating sensible, healthy food. Dinner has to go on in a few minutes.

I have been on a vegan diet now for the last six days, but my weight really hasn’t dropped much. It is sixteen days now since I bought alcohol, and I am not planning on going back to that deadly routine any time soon. I haven’t smoked any weed either, and don’t have the cash for such things. 2021 is going to be the year I lose 40 pounds of fat and get into better shape.

I ran my numbers through some online calculators this morning. My BMI is 31.5 or so, and I am at just about 32% body fat. My resting metabolic rate is 1750 Calories, but I am fairly active, so I probably burn at least another 500 Calories a day. I used an exercise calculator to guess how much I am burning by walking in my room, and it came out to 300 Calories an hour. That just doesn’t seem accurate to me, because I have walked about 4 hours already today. I did bench presses with 70 pounds, did my dumbbell exercises, and walked for a half an hour wearing a 20 pound weight vest.

I have work to do now in the kitchen, but I will be back later to write another journal entry. Take care people, and may you all have a safe, happy new year in 2021.