I’m not feeling the greatest today. I’m an old man who lives with his even older dad. I’m a loser at life and the game is almost over for me here. I’ve already outlived my life expectancy after so many years, about 25, on antipsychotic drugs because I was fucking hallucinating from bad drugs. I really don’t like doctors much.

It’s cloudy this morning, warm and humid. Dew was still on the lawn as I took Junior for his morning walk. He’s crashed out in bed now, tired of barking at me after I paid him no nevermind. I finished a cup of tikuanyin oolong tea and may go back and make another.

I have been trying to do something about the obesity these drugs have caused me. Doctors don’t give a damn if their medications cause side effects like obesity, they pass you off to a specialist and cash in on the opportunity for more therapy and more medical bills. I’m getting ready to check out of the whole corrupt system.

I heard from my girl friend yesterday, but she didn’t say much. She works two jobs. She has similar mental problems to me, that are even worse than my problems. She doesn’t talk to me much when we are together, and she gets me smoking. I haven’t seen her since January. I don’t know, we have drifted apart. I like her, but she really isn’t somebody I could live with. Why am I talking about my only friend? Well, at least I have one.

I just made another cup of tea and a glass of walnut milk. Walnut milk is easy and kinda quick. You take ten ounces of cold water and put it in a blender. Then you grab a handful of raw shelled walnuts and add them to the water in the blender. Then you blend on high for three minutes and you get nice smooth warm walnut milk full of omega-3 fatty acids and some protein.

I’m going slowly on this blog post today using the buggy block editor. I wish there was a way to turn off hot keys in this editor. I keep fat fingering control and end up deleting everything, which is incredibly annoying. Why is there even a hot key combo for delete all? That makes no fucking sense.

I really should add some photos to this blog, but I don’t have much to take pictures of around here. My life is so boring. I spend most of the day in my room, walking back and forth like a caged animal for exercise, listening to the most annoying bullshit on YouTube. It’s almost eight-thirty in the morning. My dog is sleeping. My Dad is still sleeping. I just turned on my happy light. Maybe some phototherapy will cheer me up.

I planted some Carolina Reaper hot pepper seeds about a month ago. I have like four or five out of 24 seeds actually sprout, and the plants are growing very slowly and they look kinda sick and weakly. What the hell would I do with 24 ultra-hot pepper plants anyway?

I turned off the happy light, it was glaring in my eyes. I should use it for a grow light and grow some interesting plant. The sun is coming out a little now, but it is supposed to rain tomorrow.

I’m getting tired of trying to figure out ways to make money. Some years ago I wrote for a website called Helium little articles and stories about non-fiction type things and actually made about $270 for three month’s work. It wasn’t a very good return on my investment though, as I had about 300 articles and it took six months to make that kind of cash. I would still be getting residuals from that if Helium hadn’t gone belly up and sold all their writing to pay off the bankruptcy debt.

Going it alone, well, it turns out you can not get much done alone. I make this website alone, with the help of Automatic. Is the parent company still even Automatic? I don’t even know where my money is going. The sun is out full-force now beaming in my window. My Dad was actually up and dressed at 8:30 when I went out to get my tea. I’ve been typing now on this post for 45 minutes, and so far no fuck-ups. It’s time for breakfast now, so I will leave off here and try to write something useful instead of this stream of consciousness bullshit.

Let the Past Go

I tried to write something biographical today, but it got me depressed thinking about all the mistakes I have made over the years. It’s time to start over and do things right now that I’m almost 60 years old.

It’s been over two days now since I have had any alcohol. I sucked the last of the THC out of the cannabis vape cartridges and trashed the empty carcasses of the things. I don’t need to alter my consciousness any more than a cup of tea.

Junior has been a real pest today. He is sleeping now, but spent the last ten minutes barking his head off at me. I ignored him and he finally relented. He acts like he is trying to control me, but in fact he can not even control himself. It’s going to take a lot of time getting that dog in shape.

I tried to read a book the other day, but books have started doing things to my eyes. I have a lot of books. I should take photos of books, list them here, and then sell them online. WordPress would even let me do that with my personal account. All I need to do is set up a stripe account. I don’t want to do that though. I don’t want to have to ship product and deal with returns and refunds.

I have to make a break with my past here. I have thrown so much of my life away chasing that buzz. My Mother always used to give me some advice from her Father, who said: “Live each day as if it is your last, because someday it will be.” Well, the past is gone, I have to let it go and move on to better things, even though I am fat, broke, and nearly dead.

Useless Advice

I wasted the last couple hours watching videos that were supposed to be about how to make money writing. There’s a quote from Samuel Johnson that goes “None but a blockhead writes for anything but money.” Well, I feel like a blockhead today because I have written nothing worth writing and I have very little exposure.

I like this blog. I think I am going to add things to it and just let the previous posts stand. I don’t think I am going to waste my time any more trying to figure out how to make money from a blog. I want to just write something and try to learn how I can make it in a world where I don’t fit in.

Humid Day

It’s muggy this morning and already getting warm. There are clouds in the sky and it looks like it is going to rain. I am trying to think about what to do with this blog. I may delete everything again and start over. I may leave what I have and take off in a new direction. I may actually write an article today and take the trouble to open a proper writing app and do some serious research on a meaningful topic. I kinda give up on ever becoming popular here. 59 year old insane single man living with no income. What a crock of shit my life has become.


Cannabis Sativa is now legal in Michigan and has been for over a year now. Back in high school I was a lonely outcast, so of course I fell in with the stoners. I never had much exposure to weed before senior year in high school, when I started buying weed for like $30 an ounce back in 1979.

Times have changed and the price of dope has really gone up. When I have a little money I hit up the weed shop in Ann Arbor and get some of that sticky-icky bud for my hash pipe.

Things are getting tight for me around here with very little money left in the bank. I have to do something about this blog, and believe it or not there are people making money off blogs that do nothing more than advise people on what weed to buy and where to buy it. Advertising.

The only problem I ever had with weed was when it ran out. I used to smoke an ounce a week back in the day, but now I sip on vape cartridges or smoke tiny little bowls of bud in my crude cherry wooden hash pipe. Perhaps I should write reviews for different strains and post them on this blog. Perhaps I could do that for a couple today that I have already smoked. I have to do something about getting paid for my time, and writing about getting stoned doesn’t seem like such a bad gig to me.

A Day Off

It’s Sunday. I have a chicken to roast for dinner. I am thinking about this blog here. I am trying to figure out how to make some cash. Cash is good. I can buy goodies with cash. There are a lot of goodies available locally that I want to partake of instead of just drinking away my life.

I am looking up ways to monetize this blog. I need traffic for that to happen. I am going to have to start doing some promotion for this blog. Maybe I will turn this back into my dark poetry blog. I like it better as my journal, but I had more fans as a poet. Anyway, I suppose I should look into writing something worth hosting on this site.

Memorial Day

It’s cloudy this morning and chill like spring. I woke up at about 6:30 this morning and got some tea going on the stove. It is Memorial Day in the United States and it is time to remember all the soldiers who have died in the wars over the years to keep our nation free.

I have to do some thinking about this web log here. It’s not really much of a log of the web to be honest, more like just my place to write. I got through yesterday without alcohol, though I slept a lot. Now, it is time to take the dog for his morning walk and get myself going for the day. Maybe later I will take the time to write a useful article about how to lose weight and get into better shape. Maybe I will find a new direction for this blog and start to produce articles worth reading.


I skipped dinner tonight. I didn’t really want sweet potato. I listened to Freelee talk about some shit on YouTube while Dad ate his chicken and taters, and basically cleaned up after the meal. After a while I made a red grape smoothie, then I made a pitcher of tea. Just now I had some pinto beans blended up with some water and some reaper sauce.

I am looking at myself now. I got a big ass belly from drinking too many calories. I got man boobs from the drugs they put me on years ago. I don’t know why doctors think it is OK to turn a man into a fat woman with drugs because they don’t like the thoughts you are thinking. Fuck all I am pissed tonight, and I didn’t even have that much to drink.

I drank today. I had vodka and water, the healthy man’s drink. I know I shouldn’t be drinking alcohol. I was just not feeling well today and wanted to pass out drunk in my bed for a while. The dog is in my bed now, and I have tea. I don’t know what I am going to do tomorrow. I don’t know what I am going to do tonight. I don’t know what I am going to do tomorrow. Who the fuck designs these web applications where every time I fucking fat finger a key some god damned menu pops up. I hate these modern apps.

Back in the day they had word processors. On the fancy ones you could look up spelling and grammar rules. Now they fucking want to do everything for you. I don’t like the concept of typing into a web app just to do some writing. Shit man, I am so old school I still use pen and paper. I think I want to turn off this computer and sleep for a week.

Food, that was my topic. I didn’t get much food today. I have to lose weight. I am tired. I am sick of this blog. Is there really any reason I have to write letters to random people on the net and never get a reply? I am sick of this shit. Maybe I will just post links to stupid cat videos like all the other important bloggers. Later.

Rainy Morning

It’s dull and damp and a bit chill outside this morning. I just had to reboot the router again this morning as it lost it’s DNS connection again today. I think it has something to do with me streaming videos on YouTube with Chrome here, as the exact same thing happened yesterday with the same sort of shit going on on my computer.

I think I am going to call a halt to all the video streaming I have been doing in my room here. There is no reason to sit in this room all day watching endless pointless videos on how I could lose weight by not eating so much. Seriously, I am getting sick and tired of hearing the same basic advice from these channels on how to lose weight and get into better shape. Don’t eat so much and move more. Simple.

Now, the problem about what to do with this blog. I like having an online journal for random people to read, but seriously, who is going to follow me? I got a lot of followers when I posted poetry, but there’s no point in poetry. I got some interest in my posts on health when I shared them on Pinterest, but man, I am no doctor or certified personal trainer. What do I know about health?

It’s almost ten this morning and Dad is still not out of bed. It’s Wednesday and I have no real commitments for the day. It’s wet outside so there will be no outside chores for today aside from walking the dog. I have to get my life together and start taking care of my body, mind, and soul. All this nonsense with germ warfare over the last year and a half? I avoid people as a rule, so nothing has changed. Time to go score some party goods and do something about the lack of readers for this blog.