The New Office

I am getting used to this new computer setup here in my hall. I have some privacy from the dog, who hangs out in my bedroom, and man is this little thing quiet. The dog, well, Junior was sick yesterday. He woke up at quarter to two in the morning and yacked and pissed and shat in my room. He had some pretty bad wretching, all because the dumb fuck has to eat a ton of grass every time I take him into the back yard. He’s better now, but still not back to his rambunctious self.

I did some business yesterday and took in a little cash. I sold my nice acoustic guitar on craigslist for $100, which was what I was asking for it. I may go out and do a little shopping later this morning. Dad is cooking up a deal where he can sell his car and then buy a used one and basically get a free car in this deal after he buys off the lease on the vehicle. More power to him if he can pull that off.

Anyway, I am off to do some business and see about making a good day for us here. This new computer is working out well for me, and so far it has turned out to be a good deal. Maybe later I will write something good or take some photos for this blog. Take care all.

Cool Morning

I got some sleep last night and feel better this morning. Friday and Saturday I added some meat to my diet, but it bound me up and I needed a dose of Epsom salts to get my crap moving again. I weighed myself this morning and I was down to 199 pounds. This is the first time I have been under 200 since 2006. There’s something to be said for the plant based diet if you are trying to drop some weight.

It is cool and cloudy this morning and they are predicting rain for the entire day. I checked the weather radar on the computer and it seems there are some showers in the area but they may miss us here in Salem Township. I took Junior for his morning walk and it was chilly and breezy. Today I have no real plans. I may work on my blog and I may play Skyrim. Oh well, there are worse ways to spend my time. I don’t need to be buying any more booze, that’s for sure.

Wasted Day

I got a pint of vodka today and got wasted. I tried to chat with my friend online here but ended up typing gibberish and then passing out in my bed. Oh well, I got my camera working now on this computer.

I’m fairly sober tonight and managed to make a decent dinner and clean everything up. Right now I have a pitcher of tea and I am going to watch some videos. Take care my faithful readers.

Hot Day

It got up to 92 F this afternoon. I gave my little Carolina Reapers some sun today, but it may have been too much as the little leaves bleached out a bit. Hopefully I didn’t kill the little things. I spent most of the day trying to figure out how to get a COVID-19 vaccine. I went to CVS, as they had a sign posted on the door saying you could just walk in and get a vaccine. The pharmacist scowled at me and told me I had to make an appointment online. I went home and checked out their website. It was impossible to fill out the online form to schedule an appointment as they wanted all kinds of personal information and all my insurance numbers and photos of my fucking card. I got almost through that shit then cancelled. I called Rite Aid to talk to a pharmacist, and when they picked up the phone they fucking just hung up on me.

I did what I should have done months ago and got on my doctor’s patient portal. I had a message that I should schedule a COVID-19 vaccine. They told me how to schedule an appointment. They asked a few questions. They already have my insurance information. They have a medical clinic to administer the vaccine. I don’t have to sit in some dingy pharmacy and maybe go into shock from a reaction to the vaccine. I go in next Tuesday for my first shot.

I took Junior for four walks already today, but he has to go out soon again. I actually wore him out this morning by walking him at a brisk pace for 20 minutes. He has no stamina that one. At one point he stopped, stretched out on the ground, and sighed. Both Junior and myself need an exercise program.

It’s been two days now for me without alcohol. I don’t miss the feeling of wanting to lie in my bed and pass out. What did I ever see in that shit? I just don’t know. It’s 7 PM now and I have had a busy day. Time to play some Skyrim and chop some wood.

June Morning

I stayed up last night until midnight. I woke up this morning at seven. My new computer was ready and waiting for me and I checked my email and messages and then got some tea. I took Junior for his morning walk and we walked for a good 20 minutes at a nice pace. I spent two and a half hours playing Skyrim, though I only went so far on the main quest. They can tell me to be a fetcher, but they can’t make me follow through. I took Junior for a second walk and wore him out. He needs the exercise. I need the exercise. It’s a sunny morning and it is going to be hot.

Playing Skyrim Again

I’m getting impressed by this little 20 watt computer. I installed Steam on it and downloaded Skyrim and installed it. It plays fairly well, better than it did on my old computer, and hasn’t had any crashes yet. It is also a very quiet machine. I will give it some time to see how reliable it is with this game, but I had fun this afternoon.

I got through today without drinking any alcohol. I ended up knocking myself out yesterday with vodka, which did me no good at all. I had a better day today and took some time for myself out here in the hall away from Junior for a while. I got some good exercise today but I didn’t go anywhere. I walked the dog four times already today and will take him out one more time tonight.

Anyway, I ended up starting a big bearded Nord warrior named Bjorn Thorson. I resisted the urge to cheat and fought my way to freedom with the Stormcloaks and Ralof. I’m getting about 10-12 FPS by my estimate, which is twice what I used to get on my old computer. Since I really hate being pestered by dragons and just want to live my own life, I will not be doing the main quest. There are a lot of other things to do in Skyrim rather than just be a fetcher for everybody and do quests.

I’m about to take Junior for his last walk tonight before the skeeters come out. I saw something cool this morning in the lawn in the back yard, translucent glass mushrooms, about 3/4 inch across, little cool fairy mushrooms. I had a good day today and I didn’t need any artificial joy.

Setting Up the New Computer

I am on my tiny new computer now and just had to bump up the font size here so text is easier to read. I have a wired keyboard and mouse, and the screen is a pretty big wide screen not two feet from my face. I have the machine set up in my hall and it has had a solid connection to the wi-fi for the last two hours. An update came through this morning, and the display is good right to the edge of the screen. I don’t know if this computer will play games, but I may try to get Skyrim going again later if I am bored.

Well, I gave up on setting the size of the font, as it went back to default as soon as I added a new paragraph. Anyway, Dad is at an exercise class this afternoon and Junior is in my room listening to the country music station. I made a nice pitcher of Lipton black tea and have the air running because it is up in the 80s this afternoon. I am still losing weight on this plant based diet. My weight this morning was 201 pounds, just barely placing me a hair below obese. All I need now is a source of income.

Entropy

Shit seems to be breaking down for me today. This computer at least seems like it is on its last legs. I wanted to play some Skyrim this morning. I clicked on the icon and Steam started updating. I went away and made some tea. I started Skyrim and tried to start a new game. The FMV started playing, then the screen went blank and the computer started pumping 60 cycle hum to my sound system. I had to unplug the machine and reboot. I tried again. Steam loaded with an error, then the game loaded and tried to start, but crashed hard again. I rebooted, then tried to run Morrowind. Game starts, screen goes blank, computer crashes again. It looks like my video circuits are fucking up now and I won’t be able to play games. Oh well, there are other ways to spend my time, like writing.

It’s hot and very humid this morning. It is supposed to rain again today. I’ve taken Junior for two walks already today and he has had two bowls of kibble. I was still at 202 pounds this morning. I have been following a plant based diet now for a while and I am getting used to not eating the animal foods. The price of meat is going up anyway. My keyboard is dropping letters now. This is entropy, the tendency for ordered systems to become disordered with energy exchange. It’s also why frozen things keep so long, no energy input, no disorder created.

This is day four for me now without alcohol. This is day eight for me now with no money. This is day one for me on my new blogging career. Have fun people, and enjoy the day.

Evening

I had two chocolate kisses for a treat tonight, and so far today I have eaten about 1600 Calories. It’s quarter past nine now and starting to get dark outside. I don’t know why I am sitting here at my computer typing another journal entry. It’s too warm and humid in this room, but I have some tea.

I broke down and wrote a couple poems today. I haven’t been feeling too well lately. It’s been three days now since I have had any alcohol and about as long since I smoked any ganja. I don’t really like not having an escape, and when I am straight like this for so long I get depressed as I really have nothing to show for my life.

I am getting really tired of watching all the utter Bullshit videos on YouTube about diet and exercise. They all say the same shit depending on what their personal preferences are for some diet like carnivore or vegan. Me, I have heard the same thing over and over again. Eat less, move more. That is what I do now with no real results. Still, I weigh less than I have since 2005 when I was locked up in the hospital again and put on drugs again. That’s all they do for you now when you have mental problems, lock you into a chemical straight jacket and wait for you to die.

I had a little visit last week from my case manager to fill out their damned paperwork. “Who is in your support network Bill?” he asked, and I basically told him nobody. I have no people I can rely on for emotional support. I have nobody to talk to about my problems. People are always telling me their problems. It’s because I listen. I should be a mean motherfucker and just tell people to keep their fucking problems to themselves. What are my choices anyway? I’d rather be left alone than to have people in my life use me as their personal dumping ground for all their shit problems.

Well, I almost bought some alcohol today, but I decided it was a total waste. I took exactly two hits off my empty hash pipe, which cheered me up a bit but left me wanting more. I took Junior for four walks today despite the afternoon rain. I wrote and published two poems. I walked in my room for over four hours. I stayed home today and didn’t go anywhere.

That’s all for now. I don’t know what to do with this blog. I may change it tomorrow. Now, all I want to do is relax and listen to something that is not total bullshit and try to learn something about how I can change my life and get away from all the motherfuckers who were supposedly treating my mind, but who are in fact cashing in on a valuable resource, medical insurance.

Popular Blog Posts I Don’t Know How to Write

Apparently I should do some research on what kind of things people are paying to read about. It seems I should find a topic that is popular and write something long, broken up into sections, and written at the kindergarten level of a picture book for all the dumb people to understand. I learned all this wrong information watching videos on YouTube.

I was more popular when I wrote poetry, but not by much. All my life I have never been popular. I’m an outcast from society with a terminal mental illness that isolates me even more. I have no job that pays so I work on this journal. I have a dog I might not be able to afford for much longer. I have my Dad.

The world is a sad and lonely place when you are 59, single, no family of your own, no home of your own, no friends and no family that likes you. This is starting to sound like a god damned complaint, but I just can’t seem to pull myself out of this hole. All I can do now is to stop digging the damned hole deeper.

Still, to get back to the subject, I think I had one popular blog post in my entire blogging career that goes back to 2001, and it was about something that was popular on Google Trends that I just said I thought was stupid but I wrote about it anyway.

I am not in the mood to sit at my computer today and type. I don’t know what to write about and I don’t know why I even have this blog. I think I will go back to writing poetry.