Two days now since I had a beer. I’ve got cravings this morning, but I also have some depression. I had bizarre dreams all last night. I’m not feeling too well this morning, but I will make it through the day sober. Too many hard times I have been reliving this morning is all.
I have to take Dad to the doctor this morning to get his flu shot. I can drop him off at the front door and wait for him in the parking lot. He’s having trouble walking these days with his arthritis and I don’t like to see him go too many places alone. I got him up early this morning so he could get ready on time for his appointment.
I’m feeling pretty bad today because I have nobody to talk to. My friend hasn’t said a word to me all week. I guess she lost interest in her old man. Oh well, I will have to just pretend I have friends and play a game or something. This sobriety kinda sucks when you consider all the baggage that comes along with it. It’s world mental health day today, whatever that is.
The sun is shining this afternoon, though there is a haze in the air. I went out in the yard, took off my shirt, and sat in the sun for about 15 minutes. Even though it is only 71 F outside the sun was warm and felt good on my skin.
It’s been almost 24 hours now since I cracked that last silo of beer. I don’t feel like drinking today at all, especially after the night I had last night. Dad is watching old movies on TCM this afternoon and I read a chapter in a book on blogging. This blog is just my personal place to talk about all my problems it seems.
I have a lot of problems. I have no energy or drive to get things done any more. The best I can do is to do my chores around the house and try to write something every day. I don’t know why anybody would read this journal. I say the same thing every damn day. I have to quit drinking, and drinking is the only thing that seems to give me relief from my problems.
It’s probably one of the last warm days of the year. I ought to go take a walk out to my garden and see if anything is growing out there. I ought to put a squash in the oven for dinner. I ought to find a job that will pay me something that I can work from home on, but then, there is this blog. I ought to transform my body and my mind by watching what I eat and drink and getting a hobby that I can use to better myself.
I had a bowl of rice for lunch today. So far I have been eating vegan for the day, though that will change when dinner rolls around. I didn’t get any beer today for a change. That shit has been ruining my sleep and my life for long enough. I had vegetables for breakfast. I made a glass of walnut milk for omega-3s and had a cabbage smoothie for the fiber and to clear the last of the alcohol out of my system. I don’t know what the hell I have been doing drinking so much.
I am going to make an omelet for dinner tonight with mushrooms and maybe some cheese and spinach. I have been very lazy again this morning, though I have some laundry to put in soon. I should probably get the lawnmower on the charger as it has been about a month since I have mowed the lawns. I’m not up to mowing today as I still feel like shit from the 100 ounces of beer I swilled yesterday.
I went to the store this morning and bought some overpriced fruit and vegetables, some milk, and a dozen eggs. Strawberries were very expensive today, $5.99 for a pound. I should really go to Randazzo’s for fruit and vegetables, but I wasn’t in the mood for any long trips this morning. It took about an hour for Dad to get out of bed this morning, so that set my schedule back a lot as well.
I think I am going to spend some time today reading books in my library. I am getting sick of the inane content in the videos on YouTube. I swear, if I see another “what I eat in a day” video I might just scream. Autoplay keeps popping those things into my feed whenever I watch a video about how to lose weight. I know how to lose weight, eat less and move more. It is a simple thing.
I can see the morning sun through my bedroom curtains. I had my morning tea. I am sitting quietly now waiting for my Dad to wake up. He sleeps more than I do, but he is also 32 years older than I am. I am not going to buy any alcohol today, or maybe never. I feel like a total fool for spending so much on a substance that has only done me harm.
I had a simple breakfast this morning. Cold pea soup, a hot pepper blended in water. I am feeling slightly anxious this morning. I got rid of the empties from the last two days. It is Friday and I have to make something good for Dad for dinner tonight. I would like to get the shopping done early, but I can’t leave the house when my father is asleep.
I think I will have some cabbage blended up into a smoothie. I have to cut a small piece today, as yesterday I slugged down a pound of that vegetable in a thick slurry. Cabbage is supposed to cure alcohol poisoning, and man, I am feeling just poisoned this morning.
I was stupid yesterday. I drank four silos of Natty Daddy swill. I made a decent enough dinner, but it was a mess cleaning up. Pork chops and scalloped potatoes. I am listening to a sermon now about how drinking alcohol makes you stupid. I was so stupid last night I listened to Info Wars all night. Thankfully I am not hung over this morning.
I went to sleep last night at seven and woke up this morning at five. My Dad probably thinks I am an idiot. I have better things to do than get drunk. It was a beautiful day yesterday and I totally wasted my time watching old TV shows and playing buggy computer games. How stupid can a guy be to waste one of the last warm days sitting alone in a room swilling piss water beer?
It’s still dark as night outside now, but I am running my happy light to try to get some light therapy. I should be more concerned with my health than to drink myself stupid every day. It doesn’t help that I have no friends aside from my father. I should try to make friends here with other bloggers. It’s hard when I know I can forget all my problems for two or three dollars, but that doesn’t really solve the problem. Perhaps today I will write some poetry. Perhaps today I will find sobriety and some happiness instead of all the pain.
I got lulled into a coma last night listening to the vice presidential debate. I woke up at 11 PM after it was over and shut off my computer. I took some diphenhydramine and turned out the lights and went to sleep. I had dreams all night long that I was working at the old lab at the community college on the old HPLC analysis machine. I ended up in the library reading a book called Psychedelia.
I tried to get through the day yesterday without drinking, but the temptation was just too great. I drank a couple silos of Natty Daddy. I wasn’t half drunk, but it did a number on me. I think I am going to let the whole thing slide and just be sober for a while. Beer so does not do me good.
I think I am going to listen to some music this morning or some motivational speech or something. I am still feeling half drugged from yesterday. There are better things in life than getting wasted all the time.
I didn’t wake up until eight this morning. I got some restful sleep last night and had all the technology off. I had dreams, but they were not too bad. Today I have to make a decision to stay away from beer. I also have to do something about my weight problem. This morning I had two cups of tea, a jalapeno pepper, and 12 ounces of red cabbage blended into a smoothie. It is 60 F out this morning, and it’s already past 9:30.
I had quiet time this morning. I read a book for a while in my library. I haven’t even had the radio on. Dad is just waking up after his 11 hour sleep, and I have to get my jeans on and do some shopping this morning. Maybe later today I will write a poem or two for this blog, but I don’t feel very creative right now. I feel like taking it easy and reading what other people are writing about on WordPress here. Everything in the world doesn’t revolve around me, and neither should this blog.
I had a setback for my sobriety this afternoon. I drank two silos of Beast Ice, which gave me a decent buzz but didn’t make me drunk. Oh well, I spent the afternoon listening to shit on YouTube and generally taking care of cooking some ribs and sweet potatoes for dinner.
I guess I got my $2.51 worth out of that cheap beer. It really wasn’t all that bad. Yeah, I wasn’t totally sober today. I needed the rest. My legs are feeling a bit better tonight despite my laziness. Tomorrow I will go totally sober. Tonight I am not even feeling that tired.
This little Chromebit computer is having problems dealing with the WordPress editor. It does OK on Docs, but the WP code is buggy in this implementation. Still, it is quiet and very low power. I spent about an hour tonight looking for a replacement for my main computer. It looks like they all run Windows now, which wouldn’t be so bad considering I don’t do a lot of high power shit with my machine. The most savage app I run is Skyrim, and to tell you the truth, I am almost over that game.
This blog had a lot of views today for some reason. I am on the little computer now because I was feeling a bit put upon by the main computer with its noise. It has a good sound system, but I really didn’t listen to much music today. I have a radio and CD player for music. I have a small tablet computer I seldom use, but it is hooked to this account. I just like to get out of my room for a while and have a different environment.
Oh well, that’s all for now. I drank beer today, so what? I cooked a good dinner and took it easy. I voted my absentee ballot today. It will go in the mail tomorrow. I will probably take Benadryl again tonight to get some decent rest. Alcohol really disturbs my sleep. I think I need to separate from technology all the time and do something creative. Writing is creative, so maybe this blog can be my outlet. I ought to write some poetry, maybe later, but for now it’s goodbye.
I popped 50 mg of diphenhydramine last night and fell asleep a little after midnight. I ended up sleeping through the night until 7:30 this morning and woke up rested. I had Michigan Radio going on my boom box and the room was fairly dark aside from the glow coming from the bathroom light. I had odd dreams about trying to make contacts on my Ham radio, but aside from that the night was just peaceful and restful.
It’s almost eight now and I have a cup of tea. I used to drink coffee in the morning, but it does a number on my blood pressure and is too addictive for me. I have been off coffee now for a couple months and don’t really miss it. I think I am going to go easy on the caffeine in the coming days. I had some last night when I was starting to feel sleepy and ended up being awake until past midnight. Oh well, drugs got a hold on me I suppose.
I couldn’t resist putting in a picture of a horse. This is from the free images off WordPress, and it looks like the horse we got years ago when I was in high school. The horse was a cross between a Morgan and a Tennessee Walker and was named Jessie. I used to feed that animal, clean his stall, comb his fur, and generally try to train him. I was also the first person to sit in a saddle on him, though he was tied to a post and couldn’t buck.
A horse is a lot of work and expense. They can also be dangerous. My Dad found that out one morning when he was bringing water to the horses and got kicked by the little one, Hershey. We had to call an ambulance and Dad needed emergency surgery to resect his small intestine. Dad was lucky we got to him on time and he still carries the scar from the incident. We had other horses after that, and Hershey ended up dying from leukemia, but overall we stayed away from big animals for years after that incident.
I am making my second cup of tea now. Last night I added a small Python shell to this computer, but I can’t figure out how to get it to write a program. It does single lines, which is pretty useless for programming, but it must do something with longer programs because I see posts about people importing modules. I don’t know why people write dumb apps like this, or rather extensions, if there is no way to write an actual program and get the computer to do something real. I can use it as a calculator, which is good, if I can even learn how to do math functions in Python. At worst it is a learning tool, which is really what I need.
That’s all for this post this morning. I have a picture in this one, so it’s not a total wall of text. I think I want to start my main computer and use it to play Skyrim for a while and maybe check on my finances. For now I will just take it easy on the technology and spend some time today reading and perhaps writing things on paper with a pen. Take care people and thanks for reading my journal.
It’s 10:30 PM. I haven’t been up this late in a long time. I spent the last hour watching Pawn Stars on TV with Dad. He is in bed now and I will be hitting the sack in a while. For some reason when I started this post the editor crashed, but it seems to be stable now. The Chromebit has its quirks.
I can live with some quirkiness in my computer. I have my own operating system problems as well. Like my mind that seems to need drugs so I can be stable. I’ll be having a talk with my doctor on the 15th of the month. Maybe she can clue me in on what my problem really is, though I don’t think the doctors really know what the hell is bothering my skull.
It’s strange in a way that this machine is so quiet. I am thinking about replacing my main Windows computer with a little fanless unit running Chrome OS. I don’t really play a lot of games on my computer, maybe some Skyrim now and then, but only for the scenery. It would be nice to have a little unit that uses little power and that has a solid state architecture instead of that old groaning hard drive. I know the old machine is on the way out, but still, it is kinda nice. I am wondering if I can install Python on this Chromebit and do some programming. I suppose it would be possible.
I guess I am done blogging for today. I really didn’t say a lot today aside from the fact that I got half loaded yesterday on a $4.44 bottle of Canadian whiskey. Canadian whiskey made in Frankfort Kentucky, what the hell. Tonight I will sleep peacefully with a night light and leave the droning machine off. I don’t need some creepy music playing and the last thing I need tonight is to listen to a lecture on how to lose weight. Goodnight all, and sleep well.