I slept until eight this morning, then got up and had some tea. It was Dad’s birthday today, so I let him sleep in a bit. After a light breakfast I went to Randazzo’s and got a lot of fruit and vegetables. When I got home the house was getting cold but the furnace was running. I checked the furnace but there was no flame. I shut the thing off and called the repair man and set up an appointment for later in the day.
I baked a cake from an old mix for Dad. I had to go out to the store again to get some whipped cream for the strawberry shortcake. When I got home Dad said the furnace guy had called and he was on the way three hours early, so that was good. It took a while, but the repair man figured out the circuit board for the flame controller was bad, but he found one in stock and went out and got it. I had been running the wood stove, so the house was warm. Long story short the furnace was fixed and cleaned.
I made a simple dinner tonight of mac and cheese with hamburger, onions, and mushrooms and a baked acorn squash from the garden. After dinner we had birthday cake. I watched another episode of The Chosen tonight and may watch another. It is five days now since I have had a drink, and I don’t think I need one. I have been sleeping better without too many troubling dreams. Hopefully I can leave alcohol behind and live a better life.
It is wet this Sunday morning. I woke up at seven today after about eight hours sleep. It’s 20 to nine now and Dad is getting ready to go to church. I have some black beans simmering on the stove for my lunch and dinner. I have some beef to make stew for Dad in the slow cooker.
This is the fifth day for me now without alcohol. I am not inclined to even go to the store, let alone buy any booze. I think today I am going to stay at home and just thank God I am still alive. I had some fairly strange dreams last night, but that is normal for me. So far today all I have had was a couple cups of tea and a jalapeno pepper blended up with some water.
I think this morning I need to do some walking and get out my dumbbell and do some exercise. The last day has been fairly lazy. Yesterday I drove Dad to my sister’s house 45 miles away and we had a birthday party for him. I took the scenic route and stayed off the freeway, which made the driving a lot less annoying. The trees, turning fall colors, were beautiful.
I still don’t know what to do with this blog. Maybe I will write of my adventures in Skyrim, or maybe not. I think right now I need to get another cup of tea and put on a video of something useful and do my room walking and try to be more active than just sitting on my ass typing. Bye for now.
I don’t know why, but I am reading about Catholicism today. I found an old missal from before Vatican II and read the mass for the dead. It was nothing much I recognized, but I could recall parts of it from my early years going to church. Still, it was different, and it took me a good half hour to get through the whole service.
This afternoon I have been reading about breakaway Catholic groups like Pious X and FSSP, of which my youngest brother is an ordained priest. Then there are the various sedevacantists, some of whom elect their own pope. I don’t think anyone is going to figure out what is going on with the church, especially me.
Just for everyone who cares’ information, I was myself ordained in the Universal Life Church as a minister back in December of 2016 in one of my more insane moments. It didn’t cost me anything and they sent me a nice certificate. I ought to get their book, or find a copy of it in PDF online somewhere, so I know what I am even a minister of. I joined because they accept pagans like myself, even though I am becoming more like candomble lately.
Dad is watching Trump on TV now giving speeches about the election. That’s what I hear in the background anyway. He might be snoozing after lunch for all I know. I played Skyrim for a couple hours this morning, but random bastards in Whiterun kept trying to kill me for wearing an Amulet of Akatosh. Seems I am some kind of heretic or something. Heimskar wasn’t even preaching when I talked to him. Long story short I now have a house to take possession of after Uthgerd the Unbroken left me her key when she tried to kill me, so hey, a few console commands and I have a nice place to stay in the city.
This is day three for me without alcohol and I am starting to feel better about life. It was freezing outside this morning, but I stayed home today and read and studied. I think I am going to get off my ass now and do some exercise. Even the country music station didn’t make me feel like swilling beer today despite their drinking songs they always play.
I ended up sleeping over 13 hours last night. That made up for some of my lack of sleep in the last couple days but when I was asleep I had so many dreams. In one dream I worked in a tech company that turned into a recycling company that made food out of stray cats and rats sewn together and roasted in a coal oven. The rest of my dreams were equally bizarre and useless.
It looks like we got some rain last night or early this morning. The sky is all clouded over and it is dark outside. I turned on my Happy Light just now to get my morning light therapy. I have a cup of tea and am sitting here at my computer. I haven’t heard any news today yet and might just skip out on the whole news scene for a while to try and find some peace of mind.
I have a doctor appointment this afternoon. I don’t like going into Ann Arbor and walking around downtown. Last time it wasn’t so bad, but man, it looks like I might be walking in the rain today. Oh well, at least I have a doctor and some kind of insurance to cover the bills.
It is again day two for me without beer. Hopefully this time I can stick to my guns and keep off the booze. I don’t need that shit turning me into a zombie. I have to get my shit together and do something about my state in life. Poverty may bring me relief from alcoholism, but it is not bringing me freedom. Right now I think I am going to put water on for another cup of tea and see about getting Dad out of bed before the morning is gone.
I woke Dad up and got him some tea. He wasn’t upset with me for yesterday, but he did say he was worried about me and that I looked like a zombie last night. I feel like one of the walking dead this morning to tell you the truth. I don’t know why I have to do this to myself, but it must end.
I got rid of the empties from my closet this morning. Put them out in the trash. I don’t want to even smell beer any more. I have a day before I have to go see the doctor, so I think today I will try to find some way to stay sober. I don’t have any reason to drink today. Tea and milk is all I have had so far today.
I listened to the morning mass on EWTN at eight today. He had a sermon about the pharisees, hypocrites, and two of the early saints. I am wearing my silver four-way medal and chain today. I said my prayers that were taught to me as a child. It made me cry a little, but hey.
So I got some forgiveness for my transgression yesterday in the form of a morning smile from my Dad. Today I have to find some way to make some friends and to get my life back together after years of tempting fate. It gets to me being alone in these four walls all day, every day, so maybe I can reach out to my Dad and see if he would like to be friends.
Yesterday I drank too much beer again. Dad was concerned about me and questioned me. I gave him a hug and went to bed. I woke up at midnight and tossed and turned for the rest of the night. I am taking drastic measures now. No more money to spend on beer. It’s the poverty cure and the only cure that has ever worked for me.
I am drinking tea now. I have to go see my doctor tomorrow. I get yet another injection as well. I am tired of being a mental case more than anything. I am sick of not being able to sleep at night because of all the beer I have been drinking. This has to end now. Beer does nothing but cause me problems. I had nightmares about being trapped in Ann Arbor last night going to the downtown doctor office. I guess I drink because I hate my life so much.
I need to make some friends who are sober. I talked to my last girlfriend on Saturday, but she could only chat for a few minutes. That may be what triggered me to drink yesterday. Regardless of what the trigger was, I drank too much and really fucked myself up. Hopefully Dad doesn’t give me the business this morning about my weakness for the lager. Oh well, make stupid decisions win stupid prizes.
Last night’s rains have passed and the morning sun is beaming. I didn’t sleep well last night, but I got some rest. I went through some of my old things and found some religious articles from my early years as a Catholic. I set out a couple of pictures and got my old medal and chain. I figure God probably doesn’t hate me, so maybe he can help me beat this problem I have with beer.
I got up very early this morning and made some tea. I had a bowl of cold pea soup and a jalapeno smoothie. I gained weight yesterday with all the food I ate. At least last night I had no nightmares. When I couldn’t sleep at 2 AM I took a quick hot shower and got all clean. I listened to some Loreena McKennitt last night to pass the hours in twilight sleep. I think I will spend the day going over some of my old things and try to make some sense out of my life. I am not too happy with myself, but I can change.
I have had a good appetite today. I had chicken three ways, eggs, rice, beans and bacon, as well as some veggie smoothies and two Hershey’s Kisses. I have sweet potatoes and sausage for dinner in about 45 minutes or so. I also took a double dose of vitamins. I did not have even a single beer though.
Today has been dull and damp. I put out the flag this morning for Columbus Day. Dad watched TV, renewed his cell phone service, and is now making a puzzle in the front room. I listened to some videos on diet and exercise, but I really didn’t do anything constructive today.
I did some house cleaning earlier this afternoon. Scrubbed out a toilet and swiffered the floors. I probably should have put in a load of laundry, but I didn’t really feel like doing that today. I have no great ideas for this blog. Perhaps I should go back to writing poetry. I am not an expert on anything to have an authority blog, so I will just fill these pages with some of my observations on life and leave it at that.
I ate something I was allergic to yesterday and my mouth got sore. I took 50 mg of Benadryl and ended up falling asleep for 13 hours. I had strange dreams all night long and feel like I have lost a good portion of my day already this morning.
I have to make a decision to do something about my weight. I was down to about 214 pounds this morning, but need to lose about 50 pounds of fat. The only way I can do this is to stop eating so much food. I did some bench presses yesterday, but I was also stupid and drank a couple cans of beer. I didn’t get drunk and I made a good dinner, but those were calories I did not need.
It’s almost nine AM already and I am still in my sleeping clothes. I have to do something about getting back into better shape. Today is a new day and I am going to make it the best day of my life somehow. No more pissing away my time drinking cheap beer and sleeping away my life in bed like a lump on a log. Sheesh, the things I could have done in 13 hours if I had a bit of drive.
I am not feeling so great this morning. I had a long night of troubling dreams. I had a hard time getting Dad going this morning so he can get to church on time. He is in the shower now taking his time, and he has 40 minutes left to finish up, get dressed, and eat breakfast. The man doesn’t even get going until after noon most days of the week, but the weekends are the hardest.
I haven’t had a beer in three days now. I miss it in a way, but in another way I don’t. I am worried about Dad most days, as he has a lot of problems. I am worried about myself as well because of all of my own problems. I am starting to worry that this Chinese plague will never end as well. Those fuckers spent some time making this virus extra vicious.
It’s time to get Dad moving now so he can get to his services on time. He might not even have time to eat a bowl of cereal if he doesn’t get a move on. I am tired of having to take care of a person who doesn’t seem to plan out his life to do the things he wants to do without me, a crazy old drunk, getting him moving.