I finally got to sleep this morning at about 2:30 AM and had many bizarre and disturbing dreams. I saw my Mother in these dreams, and she was upset because something had happened to Dad. I woke up a couple times and finally got out of bed at seven. I am not tired, but feel strung out from my long night.
It’s light outside now so I took Junior for his morning walk. He got fixated on something under the picnic bench, probably a mouse, and pulled like a son of a bitch trying to get under the thing. I had a time pulling him off his obsessive drive.
They are working on the water line across the street this morning after a break of almost a week. Hopefully they don’t fuck anything up with the wires, knock on wood. The farmer was out for the last two nights plowing up the field there, so it looks like he is going to plant something this year. I was wondering a bit whether they were going to start building houses now that utilities are coming through.
I have another cup of tea. Junior is skulking around the room now looking for more food. It is dark and dreary this morning and more rain is on the way. I am going to give sobriety a chance today and not buy any alcohol. The shit just ends up shutting me down and things end up fucked over in some way. I don’t even know why alcohol is legal with all the problems it causes.
I spent some time last night and this morning reading people’s blog posts about journal writing and mental illness. Maybe someday I will write about my own adventures in mental wards and in the world with a highly-stigmatizing mental illness of my own. Aside from my addiction, I am doing well these days.
My plan for the day is to watch my diet and get some exercise. I will probably stick to veggie smoothies and some pea soup this morning. I had some scrambled eggs last night at about 11:30, but don’t feel the need for more this morning. I have been doing some light weightlifting, but I need to step up my game on that. I also need to keep away from liquid calories as they are fucking up my program. I know I say this a lot, but I am done with booze. I am going to make this journal a chronicle of my journey from poverty and isolation to the better life that lies in my future.