The sun is just coming up this morning and it is cold outside. Winter is coming and there is nothing I can do about it. I have to be strong today and repress any urges I get to drink alcohol. I am not going back to yesterday.
I still don’t know why this blog got so many page views the other day. Maybe somebody who knows me clicked on the link I posted on FaceBook and viewed this blog. I really only have one friend there, my Dad, and he is not really curious about what I write. He would probably be upset if he knew how much I drink. Oh well.
I had some leftover chicken this morning and some pea soup. I am on my fourth cup of tea. It’s quiet this Saturday morning. When I was a kid I used to get up early every Saturday to watch cartoons. Now, one day is like the next and I just seek escape from boredom. It would be nice if I could make some friends.
I watched some videos this morning by some young bodybuilder. He had this just smoking girl he was exercising with, who crossed the country to see him, but he didn’t seem very interested in getting with her. I think he probably hired her to be in his videos to get more views. People these days.
I have got to do something about all this weight I have gained on these psych drugs. Some years ago I managed to lose 70 pounds by counting all my calories and limiting my daily intake to 1500, which dropped me down to about 170 pounds. I am at about 220 pounds now, so I have 50 pounds to lose. All the exercise I have been doing over the last 14 months hasn’t really helped either. And then there is the 1600 calories of beer I chugged yesterday. That’s just not good at all.
I am going to put on a motivating video now and do some walking in my room. All this soul-searching I have been doing this morning has gotten me nowhere but depressed. I should have somebody I could talk to about my problems and somebody who is there for me at least once in a while so I don’t feel so lonely and out of sorts. The bottle is not my friend and never was. Alcohol is my mortal enemy, and I am beginning to think I have never had a real friend all my life.