Bill the Barber

My Haircut

My long ass skanky grey hair got to me this morning. I clipped a number four guard on the clippers and spent 20 minutes mowing my hair down to a nice crew cut. I hadn’t realized how much my hair was bugging me until I had it off. It didn’t cost me a penny either, just a little easy work.

I took the battery-powered chainsaw to the bushes outside my window this morning and gave them a brutal haircut as well. The damn things are covered in thorns and grow three feet in a year. I cut them down to a third of their size and hauled off the trimmings to the brush pile in one big overflowing wheelbarrow.

I have given up on sobriety for the day. I feel happy now sipping the Icehouse Edge 8%. Cost me $2.51 for two silos at CVS, so hey, it’s a cheap buzz. I am wearing my Mjolnir neck thong in the photo, but you can’t see the brass hammer I carved out of a big old upholstery nail. I am feeling like a Nordic Pagan today for some reason. Now, if only mead wasn’t so expensive.

I am listening to some lit Hick Hop music now. I identify with these country boys. Got the Moonshine Bandits rolling now with Demun Jones on feature. Even though I have heard these songs many times they are still fresh. Yeah, I’m kinda a redneck. So what?

I plan on keeping my hair short like this. I don’t have the money to afford haircuts from a salon. I don’t like women messing with my head anyway. I never had anything but a home haircut all my years growing up either. We were poor folks, or rather frugal folks who didn’t piss away money on haircuts. Mom would just get out the clippers and buzz us down to fresh hair. My Mom. Well, one day I will tell her story, but not today. Take care people.

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