I am feeling pretty lousy this morning after taking way too many surveys on this inboxdollars website. Seriously, I don’t know what kind of fucking retards they hire to write these surveys, but it is appalling. The website is set up like a game to shake people down to get them to open accounts with online stock brokers, banks, and other shit that costs a ton of money. I did the free stuff and did surveys, but after working about seven hours on this site I have only made about ten dollars in their fake cash.

I may delete my account with that website, but I think I will give it a week and see if I can generate a payout. Seriously here, I am desperately broke now and need to do something about generating an income. What bugs me about this inboxdollars website is that the surveys all want to install tracking cookies and monitor your web usage. I fucking hate these kind of advertising brainwashing tactics they use these days to get people to buy shit. Seriously, I am getting pissed this morning at all the intrusive questions and just want to tell the entire world to take a flying fuck at the moon.

I had a dream this morning that I came up with an idea for a small business delivering herbs to people for cash. I had it all worked out that I could make a couple hundred a day taking orders and doing deliveries. Then I woke up and realized that there was no easy way to make money and no real way to do anything about my broke state of affairs.

I stayed up last night until about 12:30 watching videos about organic farming and indoor agriculture. I wasn’t very tired last night, but I fell asleep fairly fast and slept through most of the night. I got seven solid hours, but woke up with a cramp in my right leg. I’m getting old.

But on to the story of me feeling hopeless this morning. It seems that nothing I do makes any difference. I have been out of work now since 2005, that’s almost 16 years now. The one job I got drove me crazy and I had to bail. I posted a lot of books and things on craigslist and sold a bow and arrows, but no action on any of my other ads aside from a couple of tire-kickers who wanted to poach books out of my sets that I had up for bulk sale. I don’t have the time to pointlessly list every single book, and people don’t really buy books off craigslist anyway.

It is becoming futile for me to lose weight now. I have 30 pounds left to drop and the weight is not coming off despite what I do to diet and exercise. I might have to adopt the Snake Diet and just stop eating altogether and see if I can drop some fat that way. I got an injection a week and a half ago that made me feel down and totally fucking stupid. Hell, I was so fucking stupid the evening I got the injection that I set a hot pad down in the sink after dinner doing dishes and fucking ran water all over it for no god damned reason at all. It’s no wonder I can’t seem to find a way to make a successful life for myself.

Anyway, it’s almost nine AM and I have to get going on the daily chores. I have some shopping to get done today and the laundry. I also have to do something about the bushes growing up by the house, though I don’t feel up to outside work today. Right now I am going to try to learn more about how to make a living as a small scale farmer. Maybe I can claw my way out of this miasma, but I really do not know. I just feel like nothing matters anymore and that I will never be able to get my life on track and at least make a living.