It’s 20 to six and I should be sleeping. I have been up for the last three and a half hours just because I can’t sleep. I drank off the last pint yesterday and don’t think I will be going back. I drank away my problem. Now my problem is stalking me. It’s alright. I never was much of a drinker anyway.
Nobody to talk to all day yesterday. I watched some idiotic wuxia series yesterday that I couldn’t follow. I almost slept through dinner. I am a failure as a human being.
I drank a pint two days ago, but it didn’t matter. Janell got drunk two days ago as well. At least I stayed home. I am just about done with THC as well. That sticky icky gets me nowhere. Now, if I could turn it into a career and review strains for page views, well, that would be something. But not now. I would, but I don’t see the point.
It’s quarter after five in the AM and still dark outside. I think I made some tea, I could be wrong. Yeah, a nice cup of lemon ginger herb tea. I think I am going to stay home today as it is supposed to be stormy today. I thought about going to visit Janell, but I think she needs to be alone for a while. I got to stay close to home and keep an eye on Dad anyway.
I have to come up for a better plan for this blog. My personal journal is nobody’s business and doesn’t exist.
Lets get one thing straight, I’m not saying I don’t follow some of the principles of this religion, like treating people well, being charitable, helping those in suffering. Those are all good ideas to live by. What I don’t believe in is the fake religion of human sacrifice that is faith.
If you are a christian you are supposed to be washed in the blood of the lamb. This means the lamb of god, Jesus. Jesus was supposed to be a human, though this is questionable. Since he is supposed to be from a fictional town, Nazareth, he is also probably just a story made up by the Romans. Now, let’s boil Christianity down to its basic tenets:
Jesus died for our sins. Can you send one person to pay the price for an other’s crimes? No, any sane judge in the modern world would shudder at the concept. The Judaeo-Christian god demands blood sacrifice, the taking of life of the innocent to atone for the crimes of the guilty. The very idea of such a filthy, unjust concept, purportedly from divinity, appalls me.
Then there are the sacraments. For a former Catholic like me, this is the worst part of the whole religion. Baptism? Keep your magic spells off me, trying to put your Holy Ghost on my soul. Confession? So a priest can tell god to forgive me? Communion? “Eat my body drink my blood!” No thank you to cannibalism and vampirism elevated to ceremony. Confirmation? More of your holy ghost spells, this time from the bishop. Marriage? Keep me in bondage to make more flock for your congregation. Holy Orders? Bondage to the church in celibacy and poverty. And finally they give you your last rites and send you off to heaven. None of that comforts me and all of it is disturbing on some level. It took me 22 years to realize that Christianity was not for me. I’ve spent the last 48 years searching for my own spiritual path, one that does not involve wrathful gods demanding blood. I use science as a tool, and see the world through the eyes of my soul. I know there is more to this world than the physical, but what that means to me is my own personal affair which I may share in the coming days.
Bottom line on Christianity for me is that it’s good to treat your neighbor as yourself, but it’s very bad to think you can get away with murder by Jesus’ death.
Last Friday was the last time I drank alcohol. A pint of 80 proof Kamchatka vodka. I cut it way down with water to the point I could pound it in four or five ten ounce glasses. Yeah, vodka and water, the true drunk’s choice for low calorie kicks. All it did was make me stupid and lazy. I listened to some damned weird music and passed out for the afternoon with my pit bull. I don’t need another drug to make me sleepy. The doctors give me powerful tranquilizers. 50 mg Benadryl does the same thing to me as a pint of booze, but it keeps me from sneezing when I have to mow the lawn.
I have decided that at 60 years of age it is time to start taking care of myself. Alcohol is toxic. Smoke is toxic. Both have to be banned from my life. I got a good shower first thing this morning with some Dr. Bronner’s Magic Soap with tea tree oil to kill any fleas that may have got on me from the dog. I got to get some more varieties of that liquid soap and some face scrub. My friend Janell doesn’t think I am civilized. I’m not. It takes my best to be civil. At least I got some hippy soap to keep me clean.
So this blog I got is gonna go away, at least on its domain name. It will revert back to a free account. My first free WordPress account had just tens and hundreds of page views a day. I wrote about popular shit. Here, I write about myself. I am not popular. I get no page views. I think I will start writing about health, fitness, herbalism, magick, and various other topics that interest me.
A couple hours have passed. I have a cup of tea to drink and the radio is playing some terrible heavy metal song. I will have to take Junior for a walk in a few, and I still don’t know what we are having for dinner. I have been keeping to plant-based foods today to try and detox from my previous life. Also, it is the only way I have found to drop some of this fat the doctors have saddled me with.
I got so tired of the commercials on the radio I put on a YouTube mix. At least I can still block ads on that site. I am thinking I want quiet though so I can think better.
There, distractions eliminated. Now, I want to say something to anyone reading this: If you value your life, don’t drink alcohol. Alcohol makes people stupid. Ethanol poisons nerve cells, killing your brain directly. It’s bad for your heart and every organ in your body. If you drink, anything you eat will be stored as fat until the alcohol is gone from your body. If you drink, you are more prone to accidents. Nobody likes a drunk.
It’s been four days now and I still feel like I am in a fog from the booze. I’ve also been in a cannabis haze for the last week and a half, almost two weeks. Even though it was a gift it came with some strings of attachment. Heck, my friend suffers for her money and I don’t want her suffering for my bad habits. She suffers enough for her own problems.
I’m opening up on this journal. It is going to crash and burn in a few days, but it will still be here. Only the name will change. I got to find a good name for this and a domain that means something and is easy to remember. I have to coast along for free until the whole shithouse goes up in flames.
New Day Journal 